Applying the 3R Concept to Conflicts in Relationships
We are confident that the readers are able to grasp the 3R formula – Realize, Recognize, and Respond. We have reasons to believe that this concept is applicable in most cases. We will explore how in circumstances of conflicts in relationships, we can utilize this formula.
Meaningful Relationships
In the 1990s, the British anthropologist Robin Dunbar made a significant discovery about the primate brain size and the social groups (E.T.F.T., 2020). He predicted that human beings could have no more than 150 people in their social sphere by extrapolating the data. In his further research, he developed the concept of the Dunbar Layer. Dunbar Layer proves that each person has five people in their closest circle, ten in the next closest, 35 in the next group, and 100 in the outermost sphere- making a total of 150 meaningful relationships.
Meaningful relationships come with several benefits that human beings enjoy, but they also come with the potential of facing a conflict.
The more significant and meaningful a relationship is, the deeper the scars that an unresolved conflict can give to each party. These conflicts can leave our loved ones and us with substantial hurt and damage the relationship to an irreparable level.
Rise of Conflicts
Diversity in human nature gives rise to disagreements and discord. It is hard for a meaningful relationship not to go through conflicts. Many times, we compromise for the sake of keeping the peace in a relationship. Sometimes we agree to disagree. But some issues can cause a rift that is hard to get past by either party. We have seen lifelong friendships and marriages break due to the polarity of politics, religious and social views, and much more. And then some laugh through their conflicts and live happily in a symbiotic rapport.
The 3R Approach
Since each relationship is unique and special in its way, we all should try to resolve a conflict based on the nature of that relationship. But we can apply some standard rules based on the 3R formula to save a relationship going through a hard time.
Realization
- Do you realize that there is a conflict
- There is a possibility that we are taking a particular relationship for granted and not realizing that we have caused discomfort
- Is the other person acting differently after an argument or disagreement
- Are they not communicating as usual
- Are they overly critical
- What was the disagreement topic that caused the conflict
- What was your role in aggravating the situation
- Introspect and analyze the cause of disagreement
- Do you think it is worth losing your relationship
Recognize
- Recognizing your role in a conflict even if you were not at fault is a great way to start conflict-resolution
- Understanding where the opposite views stemmed from- there could be a psychological reason or an experience that triggered the disagreement
- Know that the person is entitled to hold different views than you, as you are
- Your convictions on the matter need to be guarded
Respond
- Apologize if you find yourself at fault or if you were harsher in your approach
- Have an open conversation
- Add humor to diffuse the tension, but be tasteful and choose an apt time
- Take a short break and try to calm down
- Restart the conversation with a tone of no-blame and tell them how it made you feel
- Show them that you understand their viewpoint and you agree to disagree on the matter
Conclusion
People are essential for our existence, and we have to be fully vested in our relationships. Keeping each relationship free of conflicts is impossible, and we have a responsibility towards those we love.
We also have an obligation towards ourselves to live a life of convictions. Instead of compromising our principles and views, it is best to know how to resolve a conflict. It is also helpful to remember that each relationship with its trajectory of growth and disputes is not necessarily a deterrent to that growth. The good news is that conflicts help improve the depth of a relationship in a lot of cases. We all should try to save a relationship if we can as people in our lives are the reason for the happiness and fulfillment that we crave.
Reference
arXiv, E. T. F. T. (2020, April 2). Your Brain Limits You to Just Five BFFs. M.I.T. Technology Review. https://www.technologyreview.com/2016/04/29/160438/your-brain-limits-you-to-just-five-bffs/
