Parenting 101: Journey of a Mother
I am pregnant! After a year and a half into my marriage, I got a positive pregnancy test. “Argh,” was my first response, as I recently joined a new company. I was so sure of not having any maternal feelings. And I was also certain not to develop one any time soon. In the movies, I had seen women shed happy tears at the first realization of impending motherhood. In contrast, I had a severe headache after the doctor confirmed my pregnancy.
Before long, nine months passed and I was blessed with a baby girl. She was born a little before the due date and with one slight complication – she inhaled some of the amniotic fluid, which could have had meconium in it. After her lungs were checked and she was cleared from meconium aspiration syndrome, I saw my baby. Before me, was a helpless small body with crinkled skin swollen eyelids – all signs of a premature infant, I learned later. Despite all that, suddenly a feeling started to rise in my stomach and rose quickly to my head. Soon enough, I was overwhelmed with it. The feeling was not only strong it was an entirely new one. Yet, I could not put a name on the emotion or classify it into a category. I wondered was this emotion reminding me of my initial response to pregnancy? Did motherhood feel like this? I wondered as I watched the bundle of miracle before me.
While under the myriad of emotions that swept over me, I was assured of one thing – this feeling was pure and unconditional.
As I nursed her, I understood how my own mother must have felt holding us in her arms upon our births. Before I knew it, the center of my world changed and started to revolve around this tiny entity. Now, I felt like a mother. The journey of my parenthood has been interesting and taught me so many things. It has been 13 years since my oldest was born. Between her and her sister, I now have almost 20 years of parenting, and while I do not consider myself an expert parent, I do think my lessons, through it all, are worth sharing-
- First-time mothers obsess over their babies, and many give up careers, education, and other pursuits. While making your baby a priority is the right thing to do, making it your only one priority can render you crazy and regretful later. Breathe and focus on balance and moderation.
- Keeping your baby safe is of course important, but extreme obsession can make you too restrictive making your baby feel confined instead of protected.
- Be in the moment and don’t fixate on how you handled your pregnancy. When I saw my baby so skinny and premature, I felt guilty for not eating the right things while pregnant. And so, I overcompensated and sometimes even force-fed her, which resulted in her becoming overweight.
- I eventually corrected my mistake during my child’s infancy and let her play in the rain and dirt. It did not matter if she needed a bath twice or thrice a day. I took her on public transport to get a feel of real life. In doing so, I felt content to raise a carefree and confident child.
- I agree that I push both my daughters for performing well in academics. While I enjoy the results, I also realize that I could relax a little, and play with them more. I remind myself every day that kids learn through play as much as they do from books.
In short, if there is one takeaway from my experience as a parent it is that – you need to enjoy parenting. Being a parent does not mean that you don’t have other roles. You are still a wife, sister, and daughter. Don’t let other relationships suffer. Especially, do not let your relationship with your husband suffer because of your children. Parenting is a journey, which teaches us a lot about values, culture, character, and who we are. So enjoy the process and make others a part of it.
There is a proverbial saying, wherein lies a working principle of parenting
“It takes a village to raise a child.”
So, build a village to find your balance, help, and support. Know that you will make mistakes as a parent, but there will be somebody from that village to help you make amends. When you need support, you will find it from that very village. Your life partner is your best collaborator in the parenting team, so keep them in the loop. Share your parenting style and tailor it to include your partner’s ideas as well. You are not alone in this most challenging yet interesting role, where the making of a person depends on you. While you are working hard to parent your child, don’t ever forget to have fun!
